I saw it. The six-foot-wide circle of oak where legends have stood and where the legends-in-the-making dream about standing. But I didn’t just see it. No, I saw it from an angle I never dreamed would happen. I saw it from the back of the stage of the Grand Ole Opry, where those same legends walked. Excuse me while I still pinch myself.
I inched my way closer to the right as one of those legends took the stage and caught a glimpse of the circle. And I tried to remain calm and adult well. It was tough.
I saw the packed house in the crowd and thought to myself, they see the circle, too, but not like this.And at that moment, I was really glad I’d gone to the bathroom before showtime because the excitement and nerves would’ve made my bladder sing its own tune.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
You see, I wasn’t supposed to be at the Opry that night. I’d made a quick trip to Nashville for a couple of meetings, a co-write, and a writer’s round. While scrolling through Instagram stories, I saw that Pam Tillis would be gracing the circle my last evening in Nashville. The next thing I know, my friend Cindy is saying things like, “We need to leave by 5:30. We’ll go to dinner first. Pam put our name on the guest list.”
Again, I tried to remain calm and not pee my pants. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Or maybe it’s not. Perhaps I should get my bladder checked, or does that just come with age?
As we found our way to the parking lot, I was pretty sure Missouri could hear my heartbeat from there. I was about to meet Pam Tillis. As we walked through the Artist Entrance, I was trying to grasp the reality that hundreds of artists have walked that same way many times; George Jones, Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn, Mel Tillis, and even my buddy Paul Harris of The Cleverly’s, most recently.
Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe.
I repeated that in my head several times as we walked through the halls, and again after I looked to my left and there sat John Conlee in his dressing room. Oh, my grandma’s gonna freak!
Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe.
And then there it was… the sign on the door reading, “Women of Country.” We walked in, and there she was, the one and only Pam Tillis strapping on a guitar and getting ready to warm up for her set with the band.
I sat on the couch and took a deep breath as I noticed I was surrounded by pictures on the wall of Women in Country staring back at me. Reba, Terri Clark, Minnie Pearl, Kitty Wells, Loretta, Tammy, and Jean Shepherd were there. And, of course, there was Dolly Parton.
Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe.
And then there was music. And I sat in the dressing room, and tears started to well up as Pam rehearsed “Last Summer’s Wine.”
Ain’t it funny how memories/Grow sweeter with time/Here’s to you and me/And last summer’s wine.
This was really happening. Right. In. Front. Of. Me. And I tried to suck the tears back.
Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe.
But you see, all that’s hard to do when what’s happening right in front of you aligns with your dreams and desires to create songs for a living. Pam isn’t just a singer. She’s an amazing songwriter. “Spilled Perfume” is one of my favorite songs. I love the emotion and the way the words flow together so well.
As a fan, it was so hard to wrap my mind around this moment, and as a songwriter, hearing the words come alive right before my very eyes moved me in a way that’s hard to describe. Music does that, ya know.
And then she broke into one of her dad’s songs, ya know, the legend Mel Tillis, and my heart melted for my beautiful friend Cindy. To me, Mel’s a Country Music icon. To Cindy, he was “daddy.” I know where my emotions were. I can’t imagine where hers were.
I love when God smiles on us just when we need it. Father’s Day had just passed. Cindy didn’t know Pam would sing one of his songs to honor him. Here I thought I was the one getting the cool gift, but God was loving on us both in different ways.
And then it was showtime, and we all got up and started walking toward the stage. Like, the stage? The Opry stage? Me? I’m going?
Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe.
As Pam walked confidently, leading the path for the rest of us to get backstage, I was reminded of all those who’d walked before her, leading that same path. I was literally walking where legends had walked, and I was struggling so much to wrap my head around all of it. I hadn’t had time to prepare.
And as Pam was preparing to go on, rising artist and singer of “Huntin’ Season,” Mackenzie Carpenter, was walking off the stage after just making her Grand Ole Opry debut. I had just unexpectedly watched a dream come true for another artist. It was incredible!
And then I saw it… the circle.
And I watched Pam Tillis open with “When You Walk in the Room,” and I once again tried to grasp that this was my current reality. Then Cindy reached over and whispered, “Someday, someone will be singing your songs on that stage.” Prophetic words, I believe.
Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe.
We walked back to the dressing room after the set, and that was it. The end. It was time for the band to pack up and go home. It was time for Pam to get ready for her next tour stop. And it was time for Cindy and me to head home so I could pack up and head back to Missouri the next day.
It was time to return to normal. But I don’t think it’s that easy. You see, some moments change your life, and there are moments that you just never come back from the same. This was that.
Was it because I walked where legends walked? Partly. Was it because I met Pam Tillis? Partly. Was it because I saw my sweet friend Cindy hear one of her dad’s songs sung in the circle? Partly. But it was also a reminder to me that my dreams and desire to be a professional songwriter are inches away from becoming a reality. It was a reminder to keep dreaming, pushing through the hard, and jumping over the rejections because a yes is coming.
Those women on the walls in the dressing room did the same. They dreamed. They did. They worked hard. They pushed through the rejections. And because of it, the world knows Terri Clark, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, and of course, Pam Tillis.
I finally remembered to breathe when we got in the car, and as I write this, I’m still trying to grasp the reality of all of it – the reality of a girl’s dreams coming true. And the reality that I saw the circle.
Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe.
I had to run some errands in Springfield the other day and happened to be downtown. The Lord led me to drive by this place. I’ve not been by that place in over 15 years. It definitely wasn’t a coincidence that God would lead me there at the start of pride month.
No one was behind me, so I just stopped in the road for a minute and thanked God for His love; for pulling me out of the pit of the darkness; for showing me How much He loved me; and for setting me free from the lies I believed about who I was.
I spent many weekends in this bar, drinking, laughing, dancing, and watching drag shows. I mentioned laughing because I was at that moment “having the time of my life” until one day, I realized that laughter was a coping mechanism to keep me from dealing with the true loneliness in my soul.
I was so lost I couldn’t see straight. So broken. So desperate for something more, but I didn’t know what it was. There was a desperation to belong; for a moment, I thought I’d found where I belonged. But I would always wake up with that desperation still stirring in my soul.
The enemy had stolen my identity as a small child. Confusion, chaos, fear, rejection, abandonment, and the list goes on… they kept me from knowing who I truly was, who God designed me to be, the plans He had for me, and the dreams He desired for me.
Are you ready to take back your identity, tell the devil to go fly a kite, and learn who you really are in Christ? Download my free Who I Am in Christ pdftoday and start speaking the truth over yourself. Reclaim your true identity and start living the life God designed for you!
But God…
“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.” – Psalm 40:1-3
Honestly, the first part of that Scripture isn’t true for me. I didn’t wait patiently for God, but He sure did wait patiently for me. And when I invited Him to set me free from the despair in my soul, whatever that would look like, He accepted the invitation and pulled me out of the pit.
And frankly, He still has to pull me out of the pit regularly. I can get myself into some stuff, let me tell ya.
I don’t know how I ever did life without Him, and though I don’t want to reminisce and sit in the old memories of my life, I also never want to forget the pit He pulled me out of.
Sitting on the road, I thought of a few different memories of my time inside that bar, and I didn’t get sad. I didn’t get mad at myself. I didn’t sit in shame. No, I smiled and thanked God for His love, grace, and mercy. And I thanked Him for pulling me out of the pit.
And then I prayed… Prayed for every person who walks through those doors to realize God can pull them out of the pit. That God can show them who they truly are, not who the enemy wants them to believe they are.
Mother’s Day is right around the corner. What a day! It’s the one day each year when we get to make our mama’s a priority and show our love and appreciation to them.
Wanna make your mom cry this Mother’s Day, in a good way? Here are some gift ideas.
Personalized Photo Book
A photo book filled with pictures of your family, memories from special occasions, and pictures of your mom with her children and grandchildren is a gift that will be treasured for years to come.
Spa Day
Give your mom the gift of relaxation and self-care by treating her to a spa day. You can book her an appointment at a local spa or create a DIY spa experience at home with candles, bath salts, and a good book and glass of wine.
Personalized Jewelry
Get mom that special necklace, bracelet, or ring – something she can wear everyday day as a reminder of how much you love her. Maybe get the piece engraved with her name, or have a special message inscribed on it.
Write It Down
There are lots of ways you can write out your love for your mom, maybe filling a small notebook with stories of your favorite memories. Consider stuffing a mason jar full of folded-up notes with special messages of what you love about her.
Give Her an Original Song
What if this is the year that you give her a one-of-a-kind gift she’s never had before? No, it’s not a spa package. No, it’s not flowers. It’s not chocolate. Give your mom a gift this Mother’s Day that will get her crying every time she hears it.
I’m excited to announce that I am writing custom, one-of-a-kind songs personalized for you and your loved ones.
Tell me what you love about your mom, your favorite times together, experiences, inside jokes, etc., and I will turn it into a custom song that showcases your love and appreciation for her and all she’s done. Of course, you might shed a tear or two as well.
Mother’s Day is May 14, so now is the time to get your custom song, as I only have four openings available. The deadline is Wednesday, April 19, to ensure you get your custom song just in time.
Contact me today for more information. I’m looking forward to helping you make new memories on this Mother’s Day!
What does leadership look like? This picture right here.
Why?
Is it because a leader needs to tower over others? Of course not.
No. She stood on this chair because the room was full of so many people wanting to pray before Pure Joy started that she didn’t want to miss out on anyone hearing her as she spoke blessings out over the event and shared her heart regarding all the miracles she knew was going to take place that night.
This picture looks like leadership because when God puts a vision in your heart, and you choose complete obedience to walk that vision out, people will follow you.
This is a picture of leadership because when you become one of the most humble people that others know, they want to learn from you listen to you, and serve alongside you.
This is a picture of leadership because when you don’t try to force something to be great, God will make it greater than you could ever even ask or imagine, and others will show up and want to walk in that greatness with you.
With powerful vocals and haunting lyrics, “Jesus and Time” offers a poignant and heartbreaking glimpse into the world of an abusive relationship. The song is a testament to the struggles of those trapped in cycles of violence and trauma, unable to break free from their abusers. Listen now wherever songs are streamed.
Sandy Jacobson is one of the most humble people I’ve ever met, and I don’t even know her all that well.
But this is what I do know about her…
She exudes Jesus.
When I am around her for even 30 seconds, I can feel the presence of Holy Spirit, and she hasn’t even opened her mouth to speak yet.
She doesn’t care what other people think about her because her focus is on Jesus and who she is in Him and what He can do through her. And she’s willing to look foolish to do whatever He calls her to.
I want to be like her when I grow up, and I pray I can love people half as well as she does.
This. Is. Leadership.
I have no doubt that one day Sandy will see the thousands upon thousands of women dancing in heaven and Jesus is going to say to her, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. They are here because you loved the way I taught you to love.”
Sandy Jacobson is one of the founders of the Pure Joy Women’s Conference in Branson, Mo. Pure joy is a safe place of honesty and transparency where you will connect with everyday women from your community. Learn more here…
Sometimes I believe the lie that I haven’t made much progress in my life.
Sometimes I beat myself up for screwing up and not doing better.
Sometimes I wish I were further along in my health and faith journey.
Sometimes… I just need to get over myself and knock it off.
My mom had some film developed, and here are some of the results. This was my 21st birthday party.
I didn’t know the Lord.
I weighed over 300 lbs.
I was in a same-sex relationship.
I was bitter and full of unforgiveness.
I was desperate to feel loved.
I. Was. So. Broken.
But God…
We’re going to fall. We’re going to fail. We’re going to hurt others. We’re going to get hurt by others. We’re going to go through dry seasons. We’ll go through seasons of abundance. We’ll cry tears of sadness and happiness. We’ll mess up again and need more grace.
But one really screwed-up day with God is better than one without Him.
God will restore what the locusts have eaten. – Joel 2:23.
Where do you need to look back today to realize how far God has brought you?
My mom got some film developed a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, it cost a small fortune, and the company ripped her off.
But… there she sat with a pile of pictures from who knows what, when, and where, ready to be sorted through. She may not realize it, but it was worth every cent.
When I sat down to go through them, this picture was the first I saw. I couldn’t hold back the tears.
I only have one picture of my dad and me as adults. It was the day I picked him up from prison. I’ve longed so much to have captured some of the good memories we made together before he died. But, until now, I’ve only had them in my heart.
This picture was a good day. We were happy. Smiling. For a moment, addiction wasn’t destroying either one of us. We were just capturing the moments around us and enjoying life, which really is like a vapor, gone before you know it.
It wouldn’t be long after this picture was taken that he took his last breath before walking into the arms of Jesus. Not long before the smile would disappear and I was left with the broken pieces of what addiction stole from me – stole from us.
February 24, 2009. He was gone just like that. Only hours after planning a weekend trip together. Only hours after leaving a voicemail saying he loved me. I would trade in my most prized possessions to hear his voice say those three words.
Better yet, I would give anything to just sit with him and talk and laugh. To hear his redneck laugh. To tell him he has to stop cooking friend bologna and egg sandwiches because I’m trying to lose weight.
But I can’t do any of that because addiction stole those moments.
But God… Let me tell you what addiction didn’t steal. It didn’t steal his salvation because I sat at his bedside two months before he died, held his hand, and led him to Jesus. The enemy thought he had the last laugh, but he was wrong.
And oh, how he would find the humor in the fact that he went back to prison, just in a different way. You see, his story, my story, our story, has been shared with hundreds of men and women in prison, choosing brokenness instead of the freedom God longs for them to have.
I’ve seen grown men with tattoos from the top of their heads to the bottom of their feet weep when I share the desperation of an adult woman whose heart breaks like a little girl longing for her dad’s love. And I’ve seen hope restored in their hardened eyes when they realize that it’s not too late for them to restore what the enemy has tried to steal. Why? Because they’ve still got breath in their lungs.
This picture represents two people who were so broken in their own ways. Neither of us knew how to cope with life healthily. Neither of us knew how to communicate appropriately. But amid our brokenness, we loved each other, even if we couldn’t figure out how to express it right.
Addiction sucks. I shouldn’t have to write this post today. But I am because addiction is a harsh reality.
But let me tell you what else is a reality. God can restore what the locusts have eaten. (Joel 2:22) He set me free. He’s still setting me free. He’s still writing my story; my dad will always be weaved in and out of it.
He didn’t experience freedom on this side of heaven, and I wish he could have. But he is undoubtedly experiencing it now on the other side because he chose Jesus, even if he only got to experience a tiny glimpse of a relationship with Him before he prematurely left this world. But now he spends eternity with God. Just wow!
And one day… we will dance together. And laugh together. And perhaps eat bologna and egg sandwiches that have zero calories.
Don’t wait to choose Jesus until the end of your life, as my dad did. You’re missing out on so much. Don’t wait to choose freedom. Don’t wait to seek help for that addiction that’s controlling your life. Don’t wait to believe that today can be the day you stop living stuck in that brokenness and fear. Today can be the day you choose life if you want it.
