fbpx 257221174963935

What do you do when questions fill your mind and you don’t know where to catalog them? There are no answers for them from any human being, and God isn’t quite ready to answer them.
God just moved a mountain in my life five minutes ago.
For almost two years I’ve had an image in my mind of my father’s death. For almost two years I’ve had unanswered questions as to how he died. For almost two years I’ve had one big thought cataloged: was my father killed?
I’ve went back and forth through the fight of bitterness, considering confronting the woman I thought was responsible. But every time I saw her face I was filled with fear and rage. The last time we spoke was not a good memory. It was one of the most defeating days of my life. I remember staring at her at my dad’s funeral wondering what she was thinking. My judgment assumed she was happy he was dead.  Afterall, I had heard many times how much she despised him.
This last year I have spent a lot of time grieving many things in my life. But the how or what of my dad’s death has never went away. This morning God spoke to me loud and clear. It was time to do something crazy!
The last time I saw her was at my grandpa’s funeral a year ago and I swore I would never see her face again. I swore I would never speak to her again. I wasn’t sure that I could ever forgive her. But this morning I picked up the phone and called her. I was just as surprised to hear her voice as she was mine. Of course I silently begged for her not to answer so I could just get the credit from God for making the call.
She answered. This was the moment I was going to get an apology. She was going to say she was sorry for everything. We made small talk. I waited. I told her about some changes in my life that had taken place over the last year. I waited. Silence filled the conversation. Where did I go next?
“I just want to apologize for things over the last year and ask your forgiveness for any hurt I’ve caused you.” What?! That came from my mouth. That came from me! God never ceases to amaze me. This wasn’t about what I was going to get; it was about what I was going to give. I gave up my expectations and my entitlement.
We may never speak again. My answers may still go unanswered. But God is still at work.
The lyrics of this song keep going over and over in my head, He’s not finished with me yet.
 
 

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Share This

Share this post with your friends!