I’ve had a lot on my heart and mind these last few days. More like the last couple weeks, actually. Would you mind praying for me?
None of it’s bad. It’s all good. Even when it’s good though, sometimes it’s still really hard.
I think the reality is setting in that I’m living back in my hometown. It’s not a bad reality, it just is what it is. I’m here. For real. For the long haul.
Yesterday I had a mini meltdown. I missed my friend, Jammie. I missed our Tuesday nights, where we drank coffee or went to a movie, or laughed about absolutely nothing. I missed my other friends. I missed Branson. I missed comfort.
Comfort. There’s the word. When we get down to it, that’s the biggest problem. I’m so far out of my comfort zone in this season of my life, I’m not sure what to do with it.
I’m battling an intense fear I haven’t felt for a while. Despite the excitement of what God’s doing in my life, the fear is real.
I struggle with taking on too much pressure and not letting God handle it. I tend to carry the load of both my own life and the lives of others. It’s so annoying, really. Then I get all discombobulated and put this crazy pressure on myself and don’t shut up long enough to remember God is completely in charge.
Esther’s House is actually happening. Each day we make forward progress to getting the doors open. Enter pressure. We’re hosting a 5k race as one of our fundraisers and we just secured our Primary Sponsor. Enter pressure. We looked at the possible future location of the house and it’s ready to move into. Enter pressure. We have to find donors and churches and businesses to be a part of the mission, which means I have to meet people and network. Enter pressure.
Maybe part of the problem is Esther’s House isn’t just a dream God placed on my heart anymore. It’s real. He’s moving forward and I’m not ready. I’m not equipped. I convince myself He’s made a horrible mistake and chosen the wrong person to lead this ministry. I wonder how many times He’d really like to slap me for being such a brat.
It’s all about me, really. I’m turning it into that anyways. How will we pay the bills? How will I keep the electric on? How will I eat? How will I meet people? How will I lead these women? What are people going to think with me stepping out in faith like this? Am I being completely irresponsible?
Me. Me. Me. Me. Pride.
He’s opening a door for me to write another book my comfort zone isn’t ready for. I want to run away and hide. I want to protect myself from what others are going to say. I stare at a blank page and don’t know where to start. I can’t do this. It’s too hard. Besides, writing this book wasn’t on my list of goals for 2015. It’s impossible to make happen.
Me. Me. Me. Me. Pride.
God is calling me to trust Him – to show Him I trust. I’m scared. I want to say, “I moved here. Isn’t that enough to show you I trust you?” It was a start, but only a start. Big things are to come. Have I mentioned fear?
With all that said, will you pray for me? Pray for me to live courageously, knowing God will catch me every step of the way. Pray for me to trust God can handle all things and I don’t have to carry the pressure of it all. Pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding. Pray for my heart. My mind. For my desires to be His desires. For me to continue walking in obedience, despite what it may look like to others.
I’m learning through this journey irresponsibility and faith look very similar. Oh boy… Here we go.
[reminder]How can I pray for you? [/reminder]
Mind Praying for Me?
Praying for you, Sundi Jo. Telling the truth is spiritual warfare. I pray you have a strong base of prayer support, and real people who can put their arms around you and pray for you, encourage you, cry with you and laugh with you. You may be headed into more pressure, more intensity, as you step even more out of your comfort zone – and you’ll need them even more. So, I’m praying especially for that for you. You are loved and treasured, Sundi Jo. You are a blessing. Strong joy to you. Blessings.
Thank you, TC.
I am praying for you as you step out on the water and trust.
Thank you, Tammy. Appreciate it.
Thank you, Vicky. I appreciate the prayers and encouragement.
Sunji Jo, You know you are in God’s will because of the enemy coming against you in so many ways. As you know, I am writing a book about overcoming trauma through faith and a relationship with Christ. The enemy has been attacking me from all directions. Once I realized that it was spiritual warfare, I became more determined. Praying for you and your projects along with God filling your loneliness void. I will be sending you an email shortly about the book progress and your story. I have prayed for you and will continue. Hugs, Jeana Weiss Mitchell
Thank you, Jeana. I really appreciate your encouragement.
I will pray for wisdom to know what to do and courage to do it. 🙂 I know that anytime we’re doing something for the Lord, Satan wants to attack and make us question it. Be still and listen to the still small voice of God. It’s hard to hear sometimes with all the overwhelming things that swirl around us. 🙂
You’re so right, Lea. Thank you for the encouragement.
Praying. May the peace of His nearness wash over you and keep you. In Jesus name, Amen. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
Amen! Thanks, friend.
when I’m overwhelmed I Thank God for my situation and ask him to help me trust him, alot of times I use songs as my prayers ” Help me find it ” is an excellent one.
Thank you, Wes. Appreciate that.