It’s 4:07 am. I’ve been awake for a while now, praying, journaling, hanging with God. I seem to struggle with sleep more so lately than I have in a long time, but I’m learning to embrace these early mornings. God is using them to create some beautiful, intimate time between us. I do a lot of praying in the middle of the night these days, so if you have any requests, feel free to send them my way.
It’s been three months since I’ve been able to write. I am more grateful to be typing these words out right now than you may ever know. Grateful God is restoring the gift of connecting words in my brain and bringing them to life. I’ve feared and wondered if that’s something that would ever happen again.
Isn’t it amazing how God is always putting the puzzle pieces of this life together, and often times it takes years before we even see how the pieces connect? Let me tell you a story.
I was eight years old, sitting around the kitchen table during a weekend visit to my dad’s house. I heard this unfamiliar voice come on the radio, and within seconds, my life was forever changed.
You’ve heard the rhyme a thousand times… (Oh wait.. I think I just made that sentence a rhyme.)
“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.”
Malarkey! Anyone who’s ever been on the other end of a hurtful comment or condescending remark knows that’s one of the most ludicrous statements ever made.
Recently at Celebrate Recovery we were discussing Step 5 of the 12 steps: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Celebrate Recovery often uses acrostics in their lessons, and the N in “Confess” stands for no more guilt. As the leader continued with the lesson, these words stuck out to me:
“We no longer have to follow the rearview mirror way of living.”
It made me think of a song I wrote 5 years ago called “So Long Insecurity.” I wrote it around the same time as Beth Moore’s book So Long Insecurity was released.
Cherished (Polly Wright, 2016)
Y’all… this was a hard book to read – not gonna lie. I wasn’t sure if I could make it through the first two chapters, but I had to keep reading, knowing there was a story of redemption weaved throughout these pages.
Every. Bit. Worth. The. Hard. Read.
Your heart will break. But it will be filled again with hope – the hope which comes from our amazing, redeeming Father in Heaven who calls each of us cherished.
Read it. I bet God will use it to restore your hope in just how much He loves you!
I was sitting with some new friends at dinner recently. I wanted to know more about their life so I did what I do best, asked questions.
My new friend Dan said this about his 20+ year marriage to Mary,
“We’ve been married for a long time, but it wasn’t until the last few years I knew she really liked me. I know she loves me. She took a vow to love me, but that doesn’t mean she has to like me. But she does. There’s nothing greater than knowing my wife actually likes me and wants to be around me.”
Seriously.. does that not make your heart melt?
Have you ever been in an all too familiar situation and all of a sudden flashbacks from your past come flooding back as if you’re reliving the moment all over again?
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. This is called a trigger.
It happened to me recently. All of a sudden, I wasn’t the 32 year old Sundi Jo anymore. I was a broken-hearted little girl, sleeping on the pool table at the bar, waiting for my dad to finish drinking so we could go home. Music from the juke box played, the crowd laughed, and the all too familiar smell of Seagrams 7 and Pabst Blue Ribbon filled the air.
She lie next to me in bed, speaking these words to me as she rubbed her fingers through my hair: “I wish I could tell you that you’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will be fixed, but I’d be lying. This is something you have to go through and I don’t know how long it’s going to take.”
I silently cried myself to sleep, 32 years old, with my mom sleeping by my side, wishing her words weren’t true. Wishing I could wake up and everything be fine. But I knew she was right. Sometimes I hate when my mother is right.
But I held onto her words, “This is something you have to go through.” I’m still holding onto them.
Want to hear part of my testimony? Want to know what God is doing with Esther’s House? Join me at Pilot Knob Baptist Church on Sunday, May 1 as I share my heart to help other hurting women.
||May 1, 2016
||Pilot Knob Baptist Church Morning Service
Pilot Knob Baptist Church
||491 County Road 716
Belle, MO 65013