We’ve all been through painful struggles in our lives. Maybe yesterday. Maybe five years ago. Maybe you’re going through one today.
Whatever the case may be, I’m sorry you’re struggling through that. I’m really, really sorry.
But here’s what I never hope to say to you: “I understand.”
The truth is, I don’t understand what you’re going through and you don’t understand what I’m going through.
Even if you lost your father to addiction, just as I did mine, our experiences through that traumatic event are unique.
[ctt template=”5″ link=”51S3J” via=”yes” ]Each of our experiences in life are always unique to us.[/ctt]
How to Be a Best Friend
Friendships are vital to life. God designed us for relationships. He created us for deep, intimate friendships.
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother or sister is born for adversity.”
Sometimes our role as a friend looks different. There are days we just need to be silent while she shares her deepest hurts. Other times we need to hold her while she cries snot bubble tears. We need to nod our head to validate her story is heard. Sometimes we need to grab her hand and pull her out of the pit of self-despair. Sometimes we need to say, “I’m sorry you hurt.”
But never say, “I understand.”
You don’t. You can’t. You never will.
Help Me Understand
I have a dear friend who’s been through traumatic experiences I’ve never known. My heart hurts to hear her share, but at the same time I find joy in knowing God is setting her free from the things done to her in the past.
I notice sometimes in her story that we’ve experienced the same pain. An event that happened to her caused her to feel shame. I remember things in my life that’ve caused me to feel shame. Some days she struggles with insecurity. So do I.
But I still don’t understand her shame.
But I want to. I ask her to help me understand so she doesn’t feel alone in her struggle. I probably won’t ever fully understand, but I want to as much as I can.
And sometimes she explains things in a way I can’t understand. Sometimes the pain is to great to help anyone understand. So we pray.
I may never fully understand her pain. Or yours. But my desire is to always validate you. To let you know I hear you. To let you know you have a voice and that your voice matters.
Because your voice does matter.
Your past matters. Your pain matters. You matter.