This World Has Nothing For Me

This has been a very interesting last two days. I barely have recollection of the last 48 hours and I’m not sure what do with that. Tonight I’m finally starting to make heads or tails of what I can remember. I’m still trying to figure out what’s reality and what’s not.

photo credit: meneer zjeroen (creative commons)

Sleeping almost completely through two consecutive days can take its toll on you believe it or not. But right now I’m choosing to celebrate the fact that I’m awake and starting to function again.

But I’m also thinking.. 

That can be good or bad.

Thinking about death. 

Hold on before you think I’m getting all dramatic and pretending these last two days were “the end.” That’s not it at all. But it is on my mind. The last thing I remember is my right side shaking uncontrollably and hearing the nurse say something about a shot. My next memory was almost 24 hours later, seeing my mom holding a spoon full of chocolate pudding, begging me to wake up long enough to eat it. Then I was out again.

So, what does that have to do with death? 

While I lay there clueless as to what was happening in the world around me, actually clueless to my own existence, the world kept moving. Cars kept driving. Dogs kept barking. I’m sure a baby or two was born. Television programs stayed on the air. People died. Someone, somewhere went to be with Jesus. It wasn’t me… yet.

Someday it will be. Someday Jesus will call me by name and say, “Sundi Jo, it’s time to go home.” That excites me. If you know Christ, it should excite you too. One of the greatest parts of writing that statement – I’m not afraid.

I used to wake up everyday for years wondering if I would die that day. The word death “scared me to death.” After the drowning of a junior high classmate I waited for the day. I didn’t know Jesus then so I’m pretty grateful the day didn’t come.

But now death doesn’t scare me. Why? Because from the words of Jared Anderson in “Rescue Me,” this world has nothing for me. 

I’m reminded of being with my aunt Terra in the hospital as she lay in a coma. The St. Louis Cardinals continued in the World Series. Nurses ended their shifts and went home to be with their families. Radio stations continued to play music 24/7. But she didn’t move – her body didn’t anyway. Why? Because this world had nothing left for her. 

Eternity had everything for her. 

Someday my eternity is coming. An eternity without pain. Without tears. No guilt. No shame. No secrets. No sadness. Only love. Celebration. Dancing with Jesus. Oh.. and my mom’s fried chicken. Heaven will certainly have her fried chicken.

I still don’t understand everything. The fact that the drugs aren’t completely out of my system may soon reveal this blog post isn’t understandable either. But I’m thanking Jesus for spell check.

Are you excited about eternity or is fear still holding onto you? 

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  • Melinda

    I was brought back from death (literally) a few years ago. Things haven’t been the same for me since then. All fear is gone. And despite the fact that I feel very blessed to be here with the ones that I love, I long for my heavenly home. I’ll work until I’m done, but look forward to going HOME to be with God. 

    • Melinda

      And, forgive me for neglecting to say, I continue to pray for you. 

      • Thanks Melinda. I really appreciate the prayers. Glad you’re doing well. 

  • Praying for you.
    I am not afraid of death when it concerns me. I am afraid of death when it is about someone I love. Afraid of my loneliness after, but happy for them

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