Doing it Afraid (Music Announcement)

by | Faith Lived Out

I was a huge fan of Country Weekly magazine when I was a kid, somewhere around 12 or 13. My mom gifted me with a yearly subscription, and I couldn’t wait for the mail to see if I’d gotten my new edition yet.

I would read it cover to cover and dream about meeting the singers, writing songs like them, and even singing like them.

But then I started doing something else…

I would rip out my favorite pages and tape them to my bedroom wall. My friend Holly thought I had lost my mind, but I didn’t care. I’d add to my collection week after week, and it was only a short time before Country Weekly became my wallpaper. I wish I had pictures to show you.

I never really understood then why I did that. It was just something I wanted to do. But looking back on that time in my life, I know why. I wanted to be surrounded by music. It was my safe space. Music was a world I could escape to when reality was too much to bear. Music invited me to dream about possibilities. It reminded me that if the people in those pictures could chase their dreams, why couldn’t I?

I wish I could say I stayed inspired to keep moving in that direction, but a lot of life happened, and frankly, I wouldn’t get out of my own way to pursue my dreams. Instead, I either found a way to sabotage them or put them on hold to pursue other avenues of life.

But when God puts a dream in your heart, you might put the fire out, but I think He keeps an ember lit to remind you that it’s still there.

I’ve wanted to be a songwriter since I wrote my first poem in the 6th grade. And in 2020, as I sat at home with the rest of the world wondering what was happening, I decided I could keep dreaming about doing it or make it happen. I chose the latter.

God has honored my willingness to step forward and put action behind my dreams. I haven’t gotten a cut yet, but I’m so so close. Man, it’s exciting!

But here’s the thing… as we step out in faith to combine our talents with our calling, sometimes God says, “But wait… there’s more!” I wasn’t expecting that, but here we are.

I never thought I could sing. I hated the sound of my voice. Let me rephrase that. I still do. I always assumed I sounded like a monkey trying to play the clarinet.

Did I dream about being behind a microphone entertaining a crowd with music? You bet! Me and my hairbrush have sung our hearts out to audiences of all kinds. But beyond the occasional leading worship at my former church or singing some songs I wrote for a few people, I didn’t see it as a possibility.

But God…

Over the last year, He started dropping nuggets from various people in my life, who would tell me that I had a “unique” voice and should actually do something with it. I just assumed them saying “unique” meant they were trying to be nice without coming right out and telling me I sucked.

But I kept hearing the same thing repeatedly from different people. “You really have a unique voice.” “You should consider recording some of your own stuff.” “If you sang that song in a writer’s round, I would be there to hear it.”

I started to scratch my head at their words, especially because it wasn’t my mom saying it. You know, everyone’s mom thinks they sound amazing!

And then I started to let fear and comparison put me in the corner, wanting to suck my thumb. My friend Carolyn can sing. That’s not me. This is crazy! Who would want to hear me? I’m a songwriter, not a singer. I need to stay in my lane. (Insert a million different lies from the enemy here.)

But the Lord showed me one night this past Summer that it was time to stop living afraid. He woke me up, told me what song He wanted me to start with, and even gave me an idea for the single cover. I promised to talk about it with Him if He’d let me go back to bed.

Frankly, I’m still talking to Him about it; rather, trying to talk Him out of it, but He hasn’t budged yet.

Why am I so afraid? I ask myself that a lot. Because singing my own stuff creates a new level of vulnerability that I’d rather keep tucked away in my bathroom drawer with the hair brush. Doing something like this opens up opportunities for new levels of rejection. And what if people think I actually sound like a monkey playing the clarinet?

At the end of the day, I answer those questions with this… Isn’t it worth the risk?

Ahh… I sure hope so!

So, I’m doing it afraid, and I’m going to try my hand at sharing my unique voice with the world through the power of music – the thing that has covered not only the walls of my bedroom but also the walls of my heart since I was a little girl.

I was in the studio recently recording my first single, which I’m excited to tell you about very soon. There’s no turning back now. Now I hear Cher in my head singing, ‘If I could turn back time!'”

I’m excited for you to be on this journey with me, friend. Mind praying as I keep moving forward into uncharted territory. To say that I’m doing it afraid is an understatement.

Stay tuned for more details as they unfold.

Here’s to chasing the dreams God has put in our hearts!