From Sundi Jo: This is a guest post by Jessica Bufkin. She’s a former English teacher turned blogger. For more information on Jessica and her adventures, keep reading. You won’t be disappointed.
“Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself.” – Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
photo credit: axle (creative commons)
In the movie Blue Like Jazz, when Don Miller speaks of watching someone love something, he’s speaking of a girl named Penny who loves Jesus and social justice and people.
Watching Don watch Penny reminded me of how I used to scrutinize a group of fellow college students my freshman year. I had never seen people love Jesus as boldly and deeply as those people did.
My affections for Christ were stirred through viewing theirs. I wanted to know Him like they did, study His Word like they did, place my faith in Him like they did. I didn’t want to resemble them for the sake of being like them or because they were the Cool Kids. Instead, this bland version of a Jesus I had been serving in name only was no longer as appealing. Through their love, the Holy Spirit showed me a living Christ who could leak through every crack and crevice of my being—just like He did in those other freshmen.
Four years later, when I officially became a grown-up, left my college bubble, and ventured out alone into some place they call the “Real World,” I started thinking more about how I love Jesus in front of people who don’t love Him themselves.
What did they see when they watched me love Him?
Even in the Bible Belt, the only place I’ve ever lived, Christians had kinda been known for who or what they didn’t approve of instead of their love. Outside of my sheltered upbringing, I was getting to know and build relationships with people who put a face on those “big” sins I had only heard about. Not to mention I was teaching adolescents but bound by contract to not tell them about my relationship with Jesus.
I loved all of these people so much, and I wanted them to know the same living Christ I knew. So, if watching someone love Jesus could possibly help him or her love Jesus too then I wondered what else could I do to help move the situation along? Surely there was some 3-, 5-, or 7-point acronym I could memorize to find a way to show more love.
Little by little, after constantly feeling like I wasn’t doing a good enough job publicly displaying enough of my really good, Grade A love for Jesus, I taught a semester in Sunday School on “grace.”
And, well, that changed everything.
I realized if people were going to watch me love Jesus, they needed to see the flawed me love Him. They didn’t need to see the polished, fixed-up version—the one that only struggled in private and oversimplified the difficulties of life.
Because if there was really something to this whole needing to watch somebody love something before you love it thing, then they needed to see how my love for Him overwhelmed me as I grew in the awareness of how imperfect and broken I am without the grace of Jesus.
I thought about how the whole concept of watching someone love something is also a part of the discipleship process, too. Older Christians pour into the lives of younger ones so they can see Christlikeness lived out and consequently grow in their own walk with Him.
Back in college, I sat at the feet of a lady named Mrs. Kathy. Her love for Jesus and people was so overflowing that she squealed when she hugged people—every single one of them. When she would talk to me about the Lord, she would talk in a serious whisper, as if she couldn’t talk about Him too loudly because she would cry…or squeal. You couldn’t leave her presence without wanting to go home and have a quiet time.I guess we could look at the lives of others and fake it ‘til we make it. I mean, isn’t that how we’ve gotten a lot of 3-, 5-, or 7-point acronyms created to remind us how to show others our love for Jesus? But then, that’s not what I think Miller means.
I think he means that when you’ve been around people who truly love something, you don’t want to be like them as much as you want whatever it is that they love so wholeheartedly.
I often ponder how God has the ability to stir people’s affections towards Him in a myriad of ways, but sometimes He chooses to use us and our love for Him to woo distant hearts. That thought still blows my mind.
To be quite honest, it probably always will.
Jessica Bufkin recently left her glamorous career as a junior high English teacher for the greener pastures of the blogging world. She is a part of the team of writers at SingleRoots, a site that encourages singles to be intentional with their lives. Check out the newly-released eBook, When Will I Get Married? (and 7 Other Questions that Plague Singles). Jessica lives in Fort Worth, Texas where a lot of men really do wear cowboy hats and boots daily. Sadly, that does nothing for her.
I tried the polished-hide-the-flaws concept for a long time and all it got me was a desire to hide from the world because it was just too dang hard to keep up the charade. Working with college students, I have definitely seen that the more they see the “real” you loving Jesus the more they want to be around you. They like my flawed-crazy-Jesus loving self much better than the cardboard cut-out I used to use.
And they love Christ and you more because of the authenticity they see in your life!
beautifully written. i think all of us who know the lovely mrs. kathy can say that we would all strive to be more like her. to just love out loud. real. authentic. transparent. i think that is what draws people to Christ. just loving them in our own imperfections and being open and honest. that goes a long way in forming community.
Thanks, friend! It definitely does.
Jessica, you can always write what I think and feel. You have a gift when it comes to writing. It always challenges me.
Love you, friend!
Hello! Girlfriend, this is a big truth of which you speak. I tripped across your blog in a link somewhere else. But I slowed down to read what you had to say a little more closely. I admit the initial photo intrigued me after sorting through dozens of happy, well dressed children’s photos on the other blogs I came across. Good marketing on that. lol
I too, grew up in a sheltered, Christian home and knew all the code words and expected behaviors. (albeit much EARLIER than you were,) I could define SIN but GRACE was a harder concept. For the first 30 years of my life I knew the Lord in head knowledge and I do believe that I loved Him in my heart as well. But something was missing. Many people just assumed I was a Christian because my personality did not include the desire to act out in public. But inwardly my heart was as rebellious as anyone out there publicly sinning. God brought me to my knees in powerful way, but it still took another 20 years to fully grasp the concept of grace and loving people to the Father.
Excellent content and I pray this speaks to another heart somewhere!
“…but it still took another 20 years to fully grasp the concept of grace and loving people to the Father.”
I think I’ll be working on grasping both of those things for a very, very long time. 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement, Tina. I’m glad you commented and found Sundi Jo’s blog!
so true! i was drawn to Christ when i became friends with a couple of girls who loved Christ and lived it out. i grew up in the Bible belt and sadly was a member of a Baptist church before i was even a Christian. but i didn’t know what i was missing until i became friends with these girls in high school. my initial response after surrendering my life to Christ was to clean up the outside with the rules and such which led to an attitude of judgment more than grace when telling others about my new found relationship. thankfully over the years, He has taught me to place my focus on Him, loving Him, and remaining in Him and He not only shows me how to love and show grace but enables me by the power of His Spirit. and i agree about the discipleship relationship too. i still have my moments of “i so shouldn’t have told her that” when it’s being transparent with my mistakes in this daily walk because i don’t want to be a “bad influence” on the girl i’m supposed to be mentoring! but i’m pretty sure that’s my pride and even more reason to run to Him instead of hiding behind a whitewashed version of me.
I love that you called it “a whitewashed version of me.” You’re right…it is our pride that keeps us from wanting to expose mistakes. Goodness, He is working on me in that area right now–not that I think He’ll ever be finished, sadly.
“…polished, fixed-up version—the one that only struggled in private and oversimplified the difficulties of life” – this went straight to my heart.
This whole post has made me want to have a quiet time.
Thanks for sharing this Jessica.
Thanks, Ngina! I think I’ll go have one too!